The Alter Ego_A Regency Romps Story Read online

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  Anna was miserable.

  She smiled and laughed and kept up a flow of pretty small talk. Nursing Matthew towards the end had taught her to hide her own feelings for the comfort of others, and it was easy to slip back into that role. She exclaimed and laughed over Mrs Drake’s story of how she had become betrothed to her husband, and heartily agreed that a book about a Pirate King who inexplicably liked to print books in his spare time would make an excellent hero. She declared the marchpane superior, drank two glasses of champagne faster than she should have, and consumed what felt like her own bodyweight in fancy French delicacies.

  The string quartet was excellent, although most of the guests were engaged in a variety of light-hearted games with the bats and balls that Arthur had provided. She managed to avoid him for the best part of an hour, but even though her heart felt heavy at the thought of talking with him, of closing that door forever, she knew that discussing it with him sooner rather than later would be best for everyone.

  “Enjoying yourself, Anna?” he asked when he finally got her alone. She kept her eyes on the lively tug-o-war match happening on the grass nearby.

  “Indeed. I bet a small fortune on Mr Drake’s team to win, and I think I made the right choice, don’t you?”

  She caught his expression from the corner of her eye. Almost a grimace, which was odd, for he had never given any indication that he was against a little gambling. Quite the opposite, in fact.

  “It looks like you made an excellent choice. On what will you spend your winnings?”

  “Nothing! My prize is to be a week of peace from Lily, where she will do exactly what is requested of her, without question.”

  “I should try a similar bet with my sister,” mused Arthur. “Aye, and Kate. Sounds like a week of bliss if you ask me.”

  There was a chuckle in his voice which made her look over at him. He was looking particularly handsome, and although his hair was still painful to behold, it had at least been styled into something fashionable. In fact, now she looked carefully, there were little touches to his clothing, not least the bright white cravat, that indicated he had taken considerable care over his outfit.

  The jacket buttons were an interesting choice, to say the least, but if they were ignored, and nothing at all mentioned about the waistcoat that peeped out from the front of his jacket, then he could almost be considered adequately dressed.

  “You look very fine today,’ she said before she could stop herself.

  He flashed a rueful smile. “Not so much fine, as less bumpkin than my normal attire, I think. Do you approve?”

  “Yes,” she replied. Arthur’s smile softened as their eyes met, and it occurred to her that his attempt at improving his wardrobe may well have been for her benefit.

  “Anna,” he began, but then a loud cheer sounded, and they both turned to see Mr Drake and his fellows sprawled out on the grass, while their opponents whooped and congratulated each other.

  “She’s going to be insufferable,” groaned Anna. “Ten to one she demands a companion pug to Governess!”

  “What has Lily won?” asked Arthur, looking amused at her anguish.

  “A single wish, to be granted no matter what. And yes, I know it was a foolish bet!”

  “Most of them are,” he said. “Anna, please, there is something I want to tell you. About me.”

  Her heart began to pound. “Can it not wait? I think Jane is signalling for me to go to her.”

  “No she isn’t, she’s waving at Mrs Drake,” said Arthur, catching hold of her hand as she took a step away. “Please, my dear. I’ve thought about this a lot, and I find myself unable to keep this secret from you for much longer.”

  “It’s not a secret,” she said, and even to her own ears, her laugh was too high. “I’m sure I know what you plan to say, but I’m begging you not to. It is of no importance, you see, for it would not change a thing between us.”

  “Why would you not want me to tell you?” he said, looking genuinely confused. His eyes widened as something occurred to him. “Ah, I think I understand now. Lily. She told you.”

  Anna felt a sob rising up in her throat, and hated herself for not being able to appear calm and collected.

  “Yes, so you see why there is no use in discussing anything further.”

  “I disagree,” he said, almost laughing. “My darling, if you know all, how is it wrong for me to tell you that I’ve found myself desperately in love with you, and I am almost certain that you are not indifferent to me?”

  “Because it doesn’t matter,” she half cried. Could she have misjudged him so badly? Could he really be so insensitive to poor Lily’s heart? “There can be nothing between us, Arthur. Nothing.”

  The look of hurt confusion on his face was almost too much to bear.

  “I don’t understand, Anna. Please. What could stand in our way?”

  She chewed her lip, knowing that it would be foolish to try to explain to him how seriously she took her promise to care for Lily. He was a man and seemed uncaring to the pain of a girl’s first love.

  There seemed, then, only one thing to do.

  “I’m not who I claim to be,” she said, straightening her back but unable to look him in the eye.

  “Well I can hardly hold that against you,” he chuckled.

  Anna turned to stare at him, wide-eyed.

  “Are you inebriated?” she asked.

  “No, why would you think that?”

  “Because you aren’t making any sense,” she said, snatching her hand back from him.

  “In my defence, neither are you,” he said in a perfectly reasonable tone.

  Anna wanted to scream.

  “Do you not understand? Your family would never consent to your marrying me.”

  He scratched his nose. “I don’t see why not. Do you think they’ll be uptight because you are a widow? Not in the least, you know, for Lady Gloucester was a widow when she met the Earl, and she’s a particular friend of Katie’s. Crackers, of course, and you must never let her talk you into going to a balloon ascension, but the fact she’s a widow is neither here nor there. Besides, it’s none of their business who I marry. I’m beholden to no one.”

  Anna blinked a few times, trying to make sense of this tangled response.

  “Balloon ascension?” she said, latching onto the only thing that seemed clear. “Why would I go to a balloon ascension with a Countess?”

  “Well I did say that you shouldn’t,” said Arthur, as though this was the most sensible observation in the world. “Capital girl, Abby, but gets into worse scrapes than I do.”

  Anna placed her fingers against her temples and pressed down, hard.

  “You aren’t making any sense, Arthur!”

  “Ah, I’m going on about people you don’t know,” he replied, sounding genuinely remorseful. “I hate when people do that to me. I suppose I was trying to say that no one would mind about you being a widow, so long as we were happy.”

  Anna took a deep, steadying breath. “I’m referring to my birth. To the fact that, although my parents were married by a minister in India, there is no evidence of it occurring, and no one alive who can verify their claim.”

  He stared at her, his expression one that she could not read, and did not want to witness change to one of complete disgust. She turned on her heel, intending to walk away from him and to the relative safety of the Drakes, but she did not look down at her feet, and her right foot dropped suddenly into a rabbit hole.

  She screamed out in pain and dropped to the floor.

  Chapter Twelve

  “Please, don’t make a fuss, it was so silly of me,” said Anna, looking more upset by the people gathered about them than she was by any pain caused by her sprained ankle. “How ridiculous to fall into a rabbit hole, of all things!”

  “There’s definitely nothing broken, Mrs Clyde,” said Mr Drake after inspecting her leg for the second time. Arthur had to fight the urge to damn the man’s impudence, but as T
rix was currently fanning Anna and holding her hand, it seemed an overly dramatic action, even to him.

  Anna had managed, with his assistance, to hobble to the shade of a nearby tree, where Jane had laid a blanket onto the grass for her to sit on. Trix forced her to imbibe a glass of champagne “to help with the shock”, while Lily sat beside her, tucked in tightly at her stepmother’s side.

  “I know, but I don’t think I can walk back to Bath, I’m afraid,” she said with a weak smile. “Pray forgive me for ruining such a lovely afternoon!”

  Everyone, Trix and her husband included, were at pains to tell Anna how she had done nothing of the sort, and some of the young men that Arthur was rapidly regretting inviting were making an elaborate scheme for carrying her back to the city in a home-made palanquin, complete with palm leaves.

  It made her smile, he supposed.

  He wanted to damn their impudence, as well.

  “I’ve taken the liberty of sending someone to fetch a gig from the Old Crown,” he announced loudly. Everyone looked at him in surprise, which irritated him almost as much as the stupid palanquin idea. “Well I can hardly make her walk back to Bath, and this is my picnic. Mr Drake, Miss Lindon, I trust you can see everyone safely back to the city?”

  “We’re hardly in the wilds,” said Jane, rolling her eyes. “Besides, I should go with Mrs Clyde.”

  “Oh no, I cannot leave her!” said Lily, her eyes wide with fright as she clutched her stepmother’s hand tightly. Arthur felt his heart go out to the poor girl, for she looked as though she were about to burst into tears at any moment. “What if she needs me when she gets back to Sydney Place?”

  “Good grief, everyone, it’s only a sprained ankle!” said Anna, half laughing, half exasperated. She pulled Lily into a fierce little hug before putting a finger under the girl’s chin to force her to look up. “And stop being such a goose, Lily! You’ve looked forward to this for a fortnight, and I am not going to deny you the treat now just because I was silly enough not to look where I was going.”

  “And I need you to act as hostess, Jane,” said Arthur, trying to use the authoritative voice he’d seen his father use so many times before his death. Everyone just looked at him with quizzical expressions.

  Fortunately, the stable boy from the Old Crown chose that moment to arrive, driving the break cart as close to them as he reasonably could.

  “The Landlord thought how the lady might be more comfortable in this than the gig, Sir, so she can rest her foot up on the seat.”

  “How thoughtful!” said Jane, looking so impressed that the poor boy blushed.

  Arthur held a hand down to Anna, smiling as he did so.

  “Your carriage awaits, my dear. Let’s get you home and tucked up, shall we?”

  She hesitated, but reached up and took his hand, allowing him to get her up onto her feet. Mr Drake needlessly offered his help as well, and as there was no polite way for Arthur to inform him that everything was perfectly in hand, thank you very much, the two of them helped her the short distance to the carriage.

  The break cart, which was more commonly used to transport gentlemen to such masculine entertainments as cockfights, proved perfect for their needs. Anna was quickly settled onto the long bench, her leg stretched out across space three men would have usually occupied. Arthur took the bench opposite but held out a hand to prevent anyone else from joining them.

  “Now I must insist that you all continue to enjoy the afternoon! This fine young lad can take us back to Bath, while I can keep Mrs Clyde entertained until her daughter returns. Why, if you set out at the intended time, I doubt that she shall be home for more than five minutes before Miss Clyde comes bounding through the door.”

  “Are you sure you wouldn’t prefer some feminine company?” asked Mrs Drake, eyeing Arthur with something that looked dangerously like a threat in her eyes, even though she addressed Anna.

  “No, it’s quite fine, I promise you,” said Anna, although she did not sound completely convinced. No doubt the lingering pain from her ankle was giving her a fit of the megrims. “Please, enjoy your walk, I would not ruin your trip for the world.”

  “See?” said Arthur, although he was not sure who to, precisely.

  “I still think I should come with you,” said Jane, her eyes narrowing. “For propriety’s sake.”

  Anna looked alarmed at this, but Arthur just smiled.

  “Nonsense, dear Jane. This fine upstanding young gentleman from the Old Crown is accompanying us in an open break for the whole fifteen minutes it will take to return us to Bath, and besides, Lily’s Governess will be there to play chaperone once we return to Sydney Place. Shall we go, young sir?”

  This last comment, directed to the stable boy, allowed him to escape all further objections as the cart began to trundle back across the grass and toward the road.

  “That was badly done,” said Anna, but she didn’t look too upset, in his opinion.

  “Would you have preferred to have a group of managing females fussing all over you, or Lily insisting on bathing your brow?”

  She gave a delicate shudder. “Of course not, but you were still a little rude, for they were trying to be helpful. Especially Lily, and when you consider what she’s gone through, it’s understandable that she’s protective.”

  The break swayed as they moved onto the road, the clacking sound of the wheels on gravel so much harder than the soft whisper of grass.

  “Yes, but you don’t need it,” he said. She blushed under his gaze and turned her head away.

  “Please don’t look at me like that,” she murmured, quiet enough for Arthur to just catch her words, but not to alert the stable boy to them.

  “Like what?”

  She blushed a furious shade of red. “Like you want to kiss me.”

  “Well dash it, Anna, you know I want to kiss you, and I jolly well know you want to kiss me, too, so why shouldn’t I look at you like that?”

  Despite her blush, the corner of her mouth kicked up into a smile. “That wasn’t very eloquent.”

  “It’s hard to concentrate on pretty words when I just want to tell you that I’m in love with you.”

  She closed her eyes, and for a horrible moment, he thought she was going to cry. “Please, Arthur. I’ve explained why that can’t be.”

  Arthur felt the exasperation inside of him growing. “Firstly, you don’t have a say in the matter. If you don’t love me then I won’t pursue it, believe me, I know there’s nothing worse than being hunted toward marriage by someone you don’t want. But that doesn’t mean you get to say that I can’t feel it for you. Secondly, why the devil not?”

  “Do you really not know?” she asked, finally turning to look at him. “Can you really think me so cruel as to inflict pain on one I care about?”

  “Anna, I have no idea what you are talking about. Truly. Just because your father and-” he paused here, and glanced at the stable boy. “It’s not a barrier, that’s all I’m trying to say. Not if you love me, too.”

  This time her eyes really did fill up as she looked away. “I don’t. Not as much as I love my daughter, and I made a promise to protect her from harm.”

  “That’s a dashed stupid promise to make,” he muttered, scowling down at his boots as his heart began to crack. Perhaps it was punishment for his treatment of Eugenia Pulford, back when she had tried to coerce him into marriage.

  It certainly felt like the ancient gods of drama and comedy were laughing at him.

  “Why was it stupid?” she snapped, her eyes dark with anger as she turned to look at him again. “I am her mother, if only in name, and that’s what mother’s do.”

  “Mine never did, and I thank her for it,” he snapped back. “Lord, Anna, of course you should protect Lily from some forms of harm, like marrying some fortune hunter, or trying to race an unbroken hunter through the centre of London, but it’s impossible, and inadvisable, to keep her from ever being hurt. She will fall in love with unsuitable men and break her heart ove
r their smiles until she loves a little more carefully next time. She’ll have friends who gossip like old tabbies behind her back, and she’ll cry at their betrayal, but be wiser for it. It’s our bruises that make us human, and they teach us our greatest lessons even if it causes us discomfort at the time.”

  She stared at him for several minutes, her mouth opening and closing from time to time, but no sound escaping.

  He shook his head, and then turned his morose attention to the road before them, where Bath had finally come into view. They made the rest of the journey in silence, and although they occasioned a few surprised looks as they passed through the town, there were no incidents.

  The stable boy guided his horse to a standstill just outside of Anna’s new home. Arthur, after paying him handsomely for his services, knocked on the door to alert the butler that his mistress was home. He did not, however, request the footman’s assistance, for he was determined to be chivalrous to the end.

  “Here,” he said, holding out his arms. “I’ll carry you up to the parlour, and then your maid can fetch you some blankets to make you comfortable.”

  “You cannot intend to carry me,” she said, her eyes wide with alarm.

  It was all he could do not to roll his eyes.

  “Mrs Clyde, I have carried Katie across a muddy field when she was daft enough to be thrown from her horse, and I’ve carried Helena up three flights of stairs and laid her to bed when she was brought home feverish from a friend’s house. I promise I will not drop you.”

  “I didn’t think you would drop me, but I am not your sisters,” she retorted.

  “Would you prefer I ask the stable boy? Or your butler? He can’t be a day below fifty.”

  He thought she was going to attempt to climb down from the break and walk to her home out of sheer stubbornness, but even the slightest weight on her foot made her wince at the pain.

  “Very well,” she muttered and succumbed to his arms.

  Arthur was not prepared for how right she felt in his arms, even as he was thankful for his time at the boxing saloon and taking part in a number of sports. It was not the easiest thing to carry a full grown woman across a street, through a doorway and up a flight of stairs. Even Helena, who’d been a wisp of a thing when she’d fallen ill, had not been easy on his arms or back.